I don’t understand why my bi-polar is getting so bad. I need better meds or something. I can’t keep living like this. I am so irrational and unpredictable. My up and downs are getting out of control. One minute I’m so happy and the next, I’m bawling my eyes out or flipping out. I just keep fucking everything up. I’m losing the one I love and now there’s nothing I can do about it. I hate my life right now. I hate feeling like this. And I hate that I hurt you so bad. But now I’m miserable and I don’t know how to fix this. I’m just so happy that I have Katie. I don’t know where I would be right now without her. But if I lose Jon completely, I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. This disorder is ruining my life. I don’t know what to do anymore. If things get any worse, I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle this.